6 Wisconsin Frozen Pizzas Ranked From Flop To Fantastic
Ever found yourself staring into the frozen food aisle at 11 PM, wondering which pizza won’t completely ruin your night?
Wisconsin’s frozen pizza scene is surprisingly cutthroat, with local heroes battling national brands in a cheesy showdown that deserves your attention.
After extensive “research” (translation: eating way too much pizza), here’s the definitive ranking that’ll save you from frozen food disappointment.
1. Red Baron Classic Crust – When Nostalgia Meets Reality
Remember when Red Baron represented the pinnacle of frozen pizza luxury? Well, those days are deader than a Packers playoff run in January. Opening that familiar red box releases memories of better times when your taste buds were less demanding.
Biting into this cardboard-crusted relic feels like chewing pizza-flavored foam that someone left in a hot car. The sauce tastes suspiciously like ketchup mixed with regret, while the cheese creates those infamous rubber-band stretches that snap back faster than your faith in frozen food.
At least it’s consistently disappointing, that counts for something!
2. Jack’s Original Thin – Budget Champion, Flavor Challenger
Jack’s wins the “most budget-friendly” award, though that’s like winning “tallest hobbit” in Middle Earth. Your wallet will definitely thank you, but your taste buds might file a formal complaint with management afterward.
Actually, the crust shows genuine promise with decent crispiness that doesn’t completely collapse under pressure. Unfortunately, everything else tastes like someone described pizza to an alien who had never actually seen food before.
Still, if you’re feeding broke college students or people who’ve temporarily lost their sense of taste, Jack’s gets the job done.
3. Emil’s Main Street Original – Reliable but Unremarkable
Emil’s occupies that comfortable middle ground where nothing’s terrible, but nothing’s particularly exciting either. It’s the frozen pizza equivalent of beige paint or elevator music, perfectly functional but utterly forgettable.
Reliability becomes Emil’s greatest strength and biggest weakness. Every bite delivers exactly what you expect: adequate sauce, acceptable cheese, and a crust that won’t embarrass you in front of company.
Sometimes mediocrity is exactly what you need during those “I just want pizza without drama” moments.
4. Luige’s Ultra Thin – The Dark Horse Surprise
Nobody saw this coming! Luige’s sneaks into third place like a pizza ninja, delivering surprisingly sophisticated flavors that punch way above their weight class.
What makes Luige’s special is its ability to balance simplicity with flavor complexity. The ultra-thin crust provides the perfect canvas for toppings that actually complement each other instead of fighting for attention.
It’s proof that sometimes less really is more, especially in the frozen pizza world.
5. Palermo’s Primo Thin – Wisconsin Pride at Its Finest
Milwaukee’s own Palermo’s proves that sometimes the home team really does know best. The thin-crust masterpiece delivers authentic Italian flavors with Wisconsin heart, creating a frozen pizza experience that actually resembles real pizza.
Palermo’s stands out for its use of quality ingredients that taste like real food, not lab experiments. The crust hits the ideal thin-but-not-cardboard texture, and the sauce delivers fresh herb flavors that truly pop.
It’s the kind of pizza that makes you proud to call Wisconsin home.
6. Screamin’ Sicilian Tavern Style – The Undisputed Champion
Holy mozzarella, Batman! Screamin’ Sicilian doesn’t just win this competition, it absolutely demolishes the competition like a Green Bay linebacker hitting a Chicago Bears quarterback. Opening this box feels like unwrapping a gift from the pizza gods themselves.
Every bite delivers a symphony of flavors that somehow makes you forget you’re eating frozen pizza. The sauce strikes that perfect balance between tangy and sweet, while the cheese melts into creamy perfection without turning into rubber cement.
Best of all, the crust maintains that ideal tavern-style crispiness that actually sounds satisfying when you bite into it. If you only try one frozen pizza from this list, make it Screamin’ Sicilian.
